How Our Emotions Lead to Overeating and Weight Gain: Interview with Filomena Iorio-Tasoluk

Before/After

I had the pleasure of interviewing stress management coach, Filomena Iorio-Tasoluk, www.bounce-life.com, on how our emotions lead to overeating and weight gain. If you struggle with stress eating, you won’t want to miss reading this interview!

Tell me about the point in your life when you noticed that you were stress eating?

When I first noticed I was stress eating, I was at a point in my life where I was suffering from chronic stress. At the age of 29, I had put my career on hold, moved back to the east coast and gave birth to my first child, a colicky baby girl one week after we made settlement on our first home. Even though the cross-country move, pregnancy, and my decision to be a stay at home mom were all planned, it wasn’t going as well as I had visualized. I felt a deep personal loss and I was feeling regretful and resentful for “giving up” so much. I wasn’t prepared to deal with all obstacles at once but, more importantly, I didn’t want to deal with it so eating became an easy alternative. I was vulnerable to stress eating late at night while watching TV. Eating mindlessly while watching TV gave me the sensation of feeling full and relaxed while temporarily hiding the issues I was avoiding. Eating while watching TV quickly became a habit – baby goes to bed, watch TV & eat, mommy goes to bed. At the same time, another pattern emerged – the feeling of shame and regret that would lead to more stress eating.

How did you stop stress eating?

There’s a great quote by Henry Cloud, “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”

I had gained 60 lbs. and lost my confidence, happiness, and motivation to do anything. I started to ask myself: Am I ever going to feel like I fit in and find my place? What’s my life going to be 5 to 10 years from now? Is this it? Will I ever gain control of what and how I eat? I used to be so skinny, why can’t I get this weight off? Why can’t I control myself? Why am I always messing up? I knew if I joined a diet (avoid these 4 diet mistakes) program, it wasn’t going to work in the long run.

I needed to change my thoughts, habits and view of life. I was tired of feeling like a victim and the pain of thinking this was my life, my future was my turning point. I had two choices: Continue to live surviving but not thriving or I could take a stand and start to live my life again. So, I came to the decision that if I don’t take care of myself, I’m not going to be useful to anyone. I had to come up with a strategy. I started to journal when, where and why I was eating and what I realized was I was eating a lot more than I realized. The bowl of Doritos I ate while watching TV was more like ½ bag of Doritos! Journaling helped me see a pattern and pinpoint my weakest hours I would stress eat – at night while watching TV.

At first, I relied on willpower and tried to watch TV without eating but that didn’t work. I felt the only way to change my habit was to physically remove myself from my home so I decided to join a gym. After my daughter would go to bed around 9 pm, I’d change into my gym clothes and exercise. This strategy worked well for several reasons:

I was exercising, burning calories and losing weight
It was a great way to relieve my stress
It helped change my habit of eating while watching TV
Best of all, I started to feel good about myself again

Once I understood the connection between my mind and body and how habits play a key role, it was the key to overcoming stress eating.

Why do so many people, especially women use food to cope with their emotions?

As humans, we are built to be emotional beings – it’s in our DNA. A woman’s relationship with food on average is much more complex than a man’s and tends to be richer and runs deeper. It’s important to first understand that anytime we eat we’re eating for emotional reasons, whether we’re sad, happy, tired, excited. When we eat, we are experiencing one or more emotions. When we’re feeling negative and eat, many tend to view it as an insensible act and it leads to regret, shame and feeling guilty about their body. We end up creating this viscious cycle of depriving oneself of certain foods, which leads to stress, eating again because of the stress, regret/shame/guilt and it goes on and on. You need to forgive yourself for something that is perfectly natural and normal. Sometimes when we’re down talking to a friend helps or going for a walk and sometimes that friend isn’t available or we can’t go for a walk so we eat. That’s fine, eat, enjoy it and move on!

How has your relationship with food changed?

My relationship with food has changed in an amazing way. I LOVE to eat and am proud to call myself an emotional eater. The difference this time is instead of mindlessly eating, I use all my senses to be present and experience and enjoy every bite. Food is fuel but it’s also pleasure and as humans we are built to seek pleasure. So, when I chose to eat something, I eat it because I want to eat it and feel all the wonderful sensations it’s meant to give me. I rarely eat because I’m bored, sad, or a seeking a way to cover up my problems. If I do, I make sure I enjoy the experience so it doesn’t leave me feeling regretful.

What kind of food do you eat now? Give me an example of what you would eat in a day?

Although I do not deprive myself of anything, my tastes and habits have changed so my body usually craves nutrient rich foods. My kitchen is always stocked with fresh fruit, vegetables, nuts and lean protein and I cook almost every night during the week.

My breakfast is the same every morning unless I’m traveling, – a fried egg with a slice of American cheese on a small wheat tortilla. I still consider it my favorite meal of the day after 5 years. It’s filling, nutritious and satisfying! If I’m hungry mid-morning, I snack on a piece of fruit with a handful of almonds. Lunch usually consists of a turkey and cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread with a piece of fruit, mid-afternoon snack is usually yogurt w/granola or fruit and nuts. Dinner can vary from lasagna to grilled chicken and mashed potatoes.

Our weekends are packed attending parties and other events and we usually eat out those days. I eat whatever I’m in the mood for whether it’s high in fat or not. The only kind of food I tend to stay away from are fried foods because I have a difficult time digesting it.

How can a stress eater get help?

Everyone experiences the up and downs of life and when life is down, it can become depressing so it is natural to eat to manage our emotions. If you realize you’re eating because of stress it’s important to surround yourself with a strong support network. Whether you talk to a friend, join a meet up group or work with a coach, seeking help from others will give you the strength to look for alternative ways to cope with stress. When we surround ourselves with like-minded individuals, they help us align our values with our purpose in life, therefore, giving us the clarity and confidence to look for alternative solutions to life’s obstacles.

What books do you recommend for people using food to deal with life’s obstacles?

Anything by author and emotional eating expert, Geneen Roth! Geneen’s book, Breaking Free from Emotional Eating, gave me the strength and motivation to make a change in my life. Two more book recommendations are Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering a Healthy & Joyful Relationship with Food by Jan Chozen Bays, MD and 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food by Susan Albers, PSY.D.

If readers want to reach out to you for support, how can they get in touch with you?
I would love to hear from your readers! Any questions, concerns or inquiries can be emailed to me directly at [email protected].

If you’re interested in attending one of my workshops on Stress/Emotional Eating or Resilience, I’m presenting at Life Coach Radio Networks’ 2014 Weekend Workshop on February 8 & 9 in New York City. To learn more: http://www.lifecoachradionetworks.com/newyearnewyou2014/

You can also visit my website, www.bounce-life.com or connect with me via the social media links below:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BounceLifeCoaching
Twitter: @BounceLifeCoach
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/ftasoluk

Best,

Lindsay

Lindsay is a Certified Professional Coach who specializes in working with women in their 20s and 30s. She runs a fun and supportive online community exclusively for 20 and 30-somethings who want to figure it all out and fall in love with their life. Lindsay enthusiastically helps her clients take their lives from searching to satisfied. Besides being passionate about coaching, she loves blogging, experimenting with green smoothie recipes, practicing yoga, exploring hiking trails, and purple nail polish.

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